I turn another year older today and honestly, I’m quite surprised that I’ve made it this far. When I was a youngster, I remember thinking that I would be dead by 30. At the time, 30 seemed to be really ancient. I think more than anything, I didn’t really want to get old and wrinkly. I didn’t want to look like my grandmother and I definitely didn’t want gray hair. Amazing to me that those are the things I thought about and worried about back then. These days, the fact that I have gray hair and wrinkles doesn’t bother me nearly as much as the sense of it all going by so quickly. I’m running out of time.
There’s been many, many times in my life that I simply did not want to go on. I felt that it was too hard, too painful, and I didn’t think that I had it in me to live to be 50 or 60 or 70. So, I wake up today and I’m 51 years old. Why do people feel ashamed of their age or don’t want it to be known? I am so freakin’ proud of myself for making it this far and I don’t care if the whole world knows how old I am. I don’t look like my grandmother, and even with the wrinkles and gray hair, I certainly don’t feel like my grandmother. I actually feel great!
Each day of life that we are given is truly a blessing and I’ve been given 18,628 of them at this point. Wow! With a number like that I’m convinced that I’m definitely old. I also feel remorse for not making the most of each and every one of those days. What did I do with all those days? How did I fill up more than 447,000 hours? What? How many hours? Oh yeah, now I’m feeling old for sure! But, I’m also feeling so incredibly grateful for each and every second.
I don’t know how many days or hours I have left to walk this earth, but I’m, oh so grateful for all the wonderful souls that share this road and help make the journey easier. I might not be able to tell you what I’ve done with all those days and hours, but I can tell you that the ones I spent with the people I love will live forever in my heart and in my memories. I have 51 years of memories and that alone makes my life a more joyful experience.
I have big plans for the next 50 years. You know what I’m going to do? I’m going to live! I’m going to live like never before. I’m going to celebrate each minute as if it were my last. I’m going to have faith and hope and determination and make my dreams come true. I’m going to make a bucket list and check off every single item on the list. I’m going to charge headlong into the rest of my life and I’m going to put my heart out there in everything I do. It’s time to be happy and whole. So, Happy Birthday to me! The best gift I know to give myself is to recognize how much I am loved and how worthy I am to be loved. Now, to just find some wrapping paper……..
sumwatsumwhere 