Thirty-six years ago this morning my son made his first appearance in the world. After struggling through almost 40 hours of labor, I finally got to lay eyes on my little bundle of joy. He wasn’t so little as he weighed 10lbs, 1 1/2 ounces and was 21 inches long. I was only 15 years old, my 16th birthday a little over two weeks away. Shortly after he was born they took us both to our hospital room and while I was escorted back to bed, they laid my precious son in a glass enclosed cradle and we both drifted off to sleep. I awoke an hour or so later and when I turned my head to look at Bradley James, much to my astonishment, he had raised his head and was looking right at me.
He had the most beautiful blue eyes and when our eyes locked with each other, a feeling like no other came over me. In that single moment of looking at each other, we bonded with a love that is greater than any love on the planet. When Brad looked at me, I saw the universe unfold and just for a fraction of a second, I beheld the mysteries and the answers of our earthly existence. Hands down, it was by far, the most profound, most emotional and most beautiful moment of my life. There’s never been anything even remotely close to how I felt when I looked at my newborn son and he looked at his Mom for the first time.
As I sit here this morning thinking back to that fall morning so many years ago, it seems like it could have been just last month or last year. It feels impossible that thirty-six years have passed and yet as I search my memories and I find sweet nuggets of fun and laughter, I feel that we’ve lived a few lifetimes in those three and a half decades. It hasn’t been easy for either one of us and to be perfectly honest, I think we’ve both done one hell of job with what we’ve been given. Let me tell you a little bit about my handsome son.
He came into the world kicking and screaming and ready to take on life. He was going to need that attitude and vitality to take on a life that would not be easy. I faced challenges in my pregnancy due to my age and from the day he was born, Brad has faced more challenges than a human should be asked to face. And yet, through it all, he has this calm presence, this ancient wisdom that shows in the nature of his heart. He looks like me and he looks like his Dad, but sometimes I think that our physical attributes are the only things we passed down to him. He has this old soul that belongs in a different place and time, and to adapt to having a missing dad, a single, young and immature mother and still be a happy, laughing child spoke volumes about his character from a very young age.
He was a gorgeous little boy with big blue eyes and silky blonde hair. He was smart and precocious and curious beyond belief. Yes, he was a handful, but not in the way most toddlers can be a handful. He never threw a temper tantrum, he was alwasy so agreeable and the most mischief that he ever got into was because I wasn’t paying attention and he would become fascinated with something that he shouldn’t. He decided once that fish should be able to listen to music and he lovingly put vinyl records in the fishtank with them. There was also the time that the old, beige couch we owned was just too beige and with careful precision that only a three year old can bring, he painted that old beige couch with a few bright shades of my nail polish that I had left somewhere I shouldn’t have left it.
I’ll never forget his sleepy face when mornings would come and it was time to get up. He seldom cried or complained even when it was the middle of the night and I was just getting off work and had to pick him up at the babysitter’s house. Through the years, I’ve said that we grew up together, but the truth is, I have learned more from him than he will ever learn from me. We moved a lot and he always adapted to new schools and new friends and I’m sure he at one time, had to be voted the most friendliest and nicest. I wish I could say as he grew older that life became easier, but it did not. But, no matter the adversities my son has faced, he has always kept his heart in the right place and kept it full of love, understanding and forgiveness.
The world has a definition for the word success and it ususally entails how much money you’ve made, how much stuff you own, how many diplomas and accolades you hang on your office walls. The world judges by materialistic measure and I truly believe that those standards are exactly what is wrong with our world today. By the world’s standards, my son isn’t that sucessful. There are others his age that have accomplished more, have more money in the bank or have some fancy degree. But, by the standard that is important, that old heart of the matter, soul meter, Bradley James is one of the most successful people I have ever known. He is quick with a kind word, willing to understand and open his mind and if you ever need a helping hand, a shoulder to cry on or just someone to listen, he’s the best. He loves without hesitation, gives without thinking and reaches out to others in this world without a smidgion of rightousness or judgement. His capacity for love and his curiosity for all things in and our of this world, make him one of the richest guys on the planet.
So, I want to wish Bradley James a very happy birthday. I am so very proud of you and the wonderful person that you are. I’m so grateful that you quite literally saved my life all those many years ago and that you’ve graced me with your goodness ever since. You certainly deserve much more than I gave you and more than life gave you, but know that life’s questions will some day be answered. Thank you for being my son and thank you for teacfor teaching me about life. I love you…..
sumwatsumwhere 